Hantavirus Debacle: Why Would Anyone Go on a Cruise?

Dave Schilling, a Los Angeles-based writer, says he does not swim, calling it a defining personal trait he wishes he could escape. ‘Water and I simply have nothing in common,’ he writes. At 41, Schilling notes his son swims like a fish, while he feels suffocated under the surface. The ocean, with its living creatures, intensifies his fear.

Schilling says his general lack of interest in swimming, better described as a terrifying fear, is one reason he has never taken a cruise. He dreads having to escape a disaster at sea, imagining himself desperately doggy-paddling before sinking to the bottom of the ocean.

But the danger, he notes, exists inside cruise ships as well. The world is focused on the MV Hondius, where a hantavirus outbreak prompted evacuation of more than 100 people into quarantine. A British cruise ship also dealt with a rash of stomach flu cases, preventing passengers from disembarking for testing.

Schilling says one might feel trapped being sequestered on a boat, but notes that passengers willingly paid for the voyage. He suggests viewing quarantine as free extra days at sea, while advising avoiding the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet. Hospital quarantine, he says, is similar to a cruise in terms of confinement and provided meals, with poor water pressure.

With stories of cruise ships turning into ‘fetid petri dishes,’ Schilling says he feels vindicated. His mother, nearing 80 and with ample leisure time, loves cruises and constantly pressures him to join her on trips to Mexico, Europe, or Jamaica. He considers himself a lost cause on the water, suggesting her mission is to get him on a Carnival cruise with an open bar and waterslide.

Schilling urges his mother to give up, arguing that nothing a cruise offers is unavailable on dry land. He can watch movies, eat meals, get spa treatments, and consume enough alcohol to ‘sedate a tiger’ at home, with a lower risk of contracting a virus causing digestive distress. The only cruise perk he identifies is the chance to play ”Deal or No Deal,” though it costs extra and does not include host Howie Mandel, an avowed germaphobe.

Schilling acknowledges that cruises will remain enjoyable for most people. ‘If Covid didn’t kill our global enthusiasm for the slowest, most tedious trip imaginable, then I think the industry is safe,’ he writes.

He notes that billionaires with superyachts can enjoy cruises without the downsides—alone or with invited guests, with controllable water pressure. For others, the experience comes down to class issues.

Schilling says cruise lines offer a middle-class response to the desire for sea travel, but passengers must share the ship with strangers of varying hygiene levels. Illness is handled with vouchers for games like ”Deal or No Deal,” potentially winning enough to cover the cost of the horrifying cruise experience or to buy one’s own boat.

Dave Schilling is a Los Angeles-based writer and humorist.

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