UK’s 10 Biggest Eurovision Flops: From Nul Points to Last Place

The United Kingdom continued its streak of poor results at the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night, as act Look Mum No Computer finished last in the scoreboard. The outcome prompted the usual geopolitical conspiracy theories and calls to fix the nation’s approach ahead of next year’s contest.

The result capped a difficult week for British performers in Vienna. Boy George was brought in to add star power to San Marino’s entry but failed to qualify for the final. The UK has not won the annual pop competition in nearly three decades. The following list counts down the nation’s 10 biggest Eurovision flops, from least embarrassing to worst.

Andy Abraham, known as “Andy the Binman,” was an X Factor runner-up and former refuse collector. He won the national selection contest with the soul song “Even If,” edging out visibly furious favorite Michelle Gayle. Performing second in Belgrade, he finished last with only 14 points. He took solace that Irish entry Dustin the Turkey was eliminated in the semi-final. “We suspect fowl play,” the article noted.

James Newman suffered the ignominy of being the UK entry twice. The leather car-coat-wearing Yorkshireman wrote hits for Rudimental, Calvin Harris, and Kesha. He was selected for 2020 with the ballad “My Last Breath,” but the contest was canceled due to the Covid-19 pandemic. After a 12-month wait, he entered with a new song, “Embers,” becoming the second British act to receive nul points and finishing last.

The bubblegum pop group Scooch performed as cabin crew in the camp number “Flying the Flag (For You),” complete with “This is your captain speaking” announcements and innuendo-laden lyrics including “Salted nuts, sir?” and “Would you like something to suck on for landing?” They scored 12 points from Malta, seven from Ireland, and nothing else, finishing second from last. The press described it as “a crash landing.”

The UK went “electro swing” a decade ago with duo Electro Velvet. Their faux-vintage song “Still in Love With You” included a scat interlude and was unflatteringly compared to the jingle from Birds Eye potato waffles. Labour MP Diane Abbott tweeted: “Is it me? Or was Electro Velvet truly awful?!” The act scored only five points. One half, Alex “Larkey” Larke, now sings in the Rolling Stones tribute band The Rollin’ Clones.

After Sam Ryder restored some national pride by placing second in 2022, Liverpool staged the next contest on behalf of war-torn Ukraine. Camden-born Mae Muller, granddaughter of actor Billie Whitelaw, represented the UK on home soil with the Dua Lipa-esque tune “I Wrote a Song.” She finished second from bottom, beating only German metallers Lord of the Lost.

The 2012 entry by Engelbert Humperdinck, the 76-year-old 1960s balladeer formerly known as Gerry Dorsey, smacked of not taking the competition seriously. His treacly tune “Love Will Set You Free” scored just 12 points and finished 25th out of 26. Not even a lucky necklace allegedly given to him by Elvis could help. The British public responded with calls to quit the contest in protest.

The former busker from Hartlepool, SuRie, won forgettable BBC singing show All Together Now the previous year. Sent to Tel Aviv with the power ballad “Bigger Than Us,” she came last after scoring 16 points. Further embarrassment followed when five of those points were deducted due to a mix-up with the Belarusian jury.

This year, the UK went for novelty value with synth-popper Sam Battle, known as Look Mum No Computer, armed with the shouty song “Eins, Zwei, Drei.” He received one point from juries, zero from the viewer vote, and finished last—the third time the UK has come last since 2020. Battle conceded the song was “Marmite – you either love it or hate it.” Voters chose the latter.

Seasoned hit-maker Pete Waterman co-wrote Josh Dubovie’s 2010 entry, the optimistically titled “That Sounds Good to Me.” The naff Europop confection scored only 10 points in Oslo and charted at No. 179 despite a Facebook campaign. Dubovie later changed his stage name to Josh James to “move on.”

Liverpudlian duo Jemini, named to sound like “Gem and I,” performed the painfully off-key “Cry Baby” at the 2003 finals in Latvia. They insisted a technical fault prevented them from hearing the backing track. They registered the UK’s first last-place finish, receiving nul points. BBC commentator Terry Wogan said the UK was suffering from a “post-Iraq war backlash.” Talent show judge Louis Walsh was less forgiving: “It’s like somebody went into Boots, walked up to the first person they saw behind the counter, asked if they could sing and they said ‘no’ – but got picked anyway.”